Questions questions

Dear God

We have now tested Bibi for a dozen different things: for diabetes, thyroid dysfunction, epilepsy, he's been at the OT, to a sleep clinic to test for sleep apnoea, a clinical psychologist, and now an educational psychologist. If there is nothing wrong with thim, then all this testing must have convinced him that there is. But we get negative results from them all. He is having "scholastic" trouble now, but the educational psychologist finds no underlying cause. His IQ and other "wiring" functions are all normal, some above-normal. There is nothing wrong with him and he has foll capacity to learn. Remedial schooling would be a waste. He is just behind.

He is just behind. We have known that all along, haven't we. Always a year or three behind. It has been so disconcerting that we kept worrying we were missing something serious. And Andrew would say we had to tick all the boxes, because we didn't want to find out years down the line that we had missed something obvious. So is that it? Must we stop worrying? I was still thinking of taking him to the psychiatrist to test for bipolar also. But the comparative symptoms list the psych gave me clearly puts Bibi into the ADHD category, though he has few elements of RAD too - reactive attachment disorder. But not many at all.

His missing out on the first six months of his life probably just set him back by 2 years. God, if that's all it is I want to simply accept that and remember it when he continues to behave like a 7 year old or younger. I have often thought he does it on purpose, as a passive-aggressive act of defiance. And perhaps he does sometimes, as protest against our high-pressure expectations.

I didn't like the way the guy was talking to me about Bibi though. I wanted to say "Hey! That's my son you are talking about." He spoke very insensitively of "this kid", as if I was a teacher, not his mother. Perhaps he assumed, since Bibi is black and I am white, that we share less of the mother-child relationship. Or perhaps, because I talk rather matter-of-fact, he thinks he can talk to me like a fellow professional. Scaring me with RAD, and telling me my son is bland emotionally, and has no sense of humour. Good grief! What does he know? One hour doing tests with Bibi and he thinks he can tell all that. Anyway, forgive him. Sure.

That chart the chap gave me was very helpful though. ADHD. Or rather, ADD mostly. This is not an easy diagnosis in itself, but it's a whole lot better than RAD or bipolar or any of the other things. Now we need to try higher dose of Ritalin and see if that helps. The edu psych dismissed the idea of foetal alcohol syndrome out of hand. It goes along with certain facial deformities and actual mental retardation. So no need to worry about that. Bibi needs to repeat grade 3 and get some extra classes. Thankfully he is quite ok with that, and glad not to leave his new friends.

Dear God, please help him. Not to catch up, that's not what I mean. Just to cope. To feel better about himself. Help us not to expect stuff he can't deliver. Please encourage him and give him motivation to carry on trying. Not to give up.

And what about therapy? Should we go ahead with that? Does he need it? Does Mimi? Please give us a clear answer. We could just go ahead with it, because it "can't do any harm". I'm still not sure if we found the right person. This psychologist I met yestderday at the FOF centre is going on maternity leave end of the year, so if this is going to be long-term, then we need someone else. They already had one change. What if they go back to Rebecca? Just find the money. I'm just not sure it made much difference. Ok I must complete the exercise and still go to Hillside also. Check out what counselling they offer there. Or ask the teachers at school. Maybe there is someone nearby here. God? Answer please?

Do they need counselling?
By whom?

Need answers urgently. Thanks.
Love, Zea

What are you saying to ME this morning? The two Spurgeon devotions did not speak to me. Remain in you. Yes. Fine. Anyway I have to go. Bye.