Mimi had another major melt-down yesterday. Again over spelling. She hates me helping her with homework. All I ask is that before she starts writing it out she comes to me and we go through it so she knows how to say it, and how to practice and remember it syllable by syllable. Simple. Quick. No problem. From my point of view. But somehow for her this is such an impossible thing, that every week we have a big fight over it. I just don't get it. Without help, she gets shocking marks. She often can't pronounce the word. She just copies it letter by letter and of course that doesn't help you remember it for the spelling test. Not even getting 2/15 convinced her she needs help.
I try to make her understand that we two options: 1 - I help her or 2 - she does everything by herself, she sinks or swims, passes or fails, goes on to grade 5 or not. Sometimes she demands help, and woe betide me if I don't just give her the answer, if I actually dare to make her think a bit. "I can always just do your homework for you," I suggest, to make her see how ludicrous it is. She needs to think and she needs to do the work. And then often she starts arguing the moment I start helping her. Like, "Mom, what does this mean?" - "I means xxx." - "But my teacher said..." or "But the dictionary said..." or sometimes simply "No it doesn't." - "Well then if you know, why are you asking me?" Big sulk.
Sometimes I don't know what I am "doing wrong" in her eyes. I really try to be helpful, but she hates being helped so much, that she punishes me for helping. I try to come up with pleasant solutions, like "You look up your spelling word to see what it means (like they are supposed to), then I will help you with the sentence." (as in Afrikaans). But either she grouses at me for not telling her what the spelling word means, or she stubbornly sits and looks up every word and then gets the translation wrong or translates the English sentence word for word. Then when I dare point out the errors she has a tantrum. I don't know how to help her in a way that she can accept the help without making me or herself miserable. God, please teach her HOW TO ACCEPT HELP. She wants to do it all herself, but she can't, and it makes her mad. Then she demands help, in a horrible, rude way, then argues and fights when you do try to help, and when I say "I'm not having this argument, cheers. Come back when you are ready to co-operate," she storms off, slams doors, hisses and mutters, with thunderous anger. I hate how she behaves. I hate how she talks. I hate how she glowers at me. I hate how she treats me. Sometimes I hate her. Lord forgive me but sometimes I hate her. Only other parents of bipolar kids will even understand what I am talking about.
What can I do? Is there something I can do? How can I help her? Or must I just leave her? Would it help if she just got bad marks? Is it worth the risk? Would she fail if I just left her? Would it matter? Would it be good? She is not old for her class. She may do better if she repeated a year. She is also very much behind emotionally.
What should we do God? Should we let her try alone to avoid fights? Or must I insist on supervising her preparation for the exams, and the weekly spelling work? I really need an answer!
Ok this morning the devotion reminded us to praise God. Like I always tell the kids when they don't immediately want to pray, or know what to say: "There is always at least one thing to be thankful for, and at least one other person you can pray for." Look away from yourself and your troubles. Look up and thank God for all his blessings, his gifts. Remember someone else in even more trouble than you, or different trouble, or any trouble. Look up and look about you. Ok.
Thank you God for this lovely sunshine, after days of driving rain. Thank you for all the birds outside my window, the beautiful trees and flowers, the blue sky. Thank you for my amazing husband, who is so dear and loving, so faithful and strong. Bless him Father at work. He is carrying a heavy load. Help him please to bear it without bending or collapsing. Give him wisdom, good strategy, favour with all whom he works with. Give him strength and endurance. Thank you for that job, it is amazing. Thanks for the salary that comes in every month, from which we all live. Thank you for my dear parents, who are so loving and anxious to help and support us. Thank you for their prayers. Thank you for friends. For Caroline, Amanda, Taps, Nina, Rose, their families and many others. Thank you for the church, the elders, their caring, faithful leadership, their wonderful preaching, their hard labour. Thank you that people are going into the world for you, into other countries, into the shantytowns, into the rural areas, the inner city, to the poor, the enslaved, the invisible people. So many people are doing so many wonderful things in your name, helping, healing, giving, guiding. Praise you that selfishness has not triumphed, that so many are following you Jesus into self-sacrificial service. I have gotten tired of sacrifice. Hardened and blind to the needs of others. Make me softhearted again. Thank you for my health. That is worth so much! You only realized how much when you lose it. Thank you for all the material things we have been blessed with. Help us to share with others, as is your wish.
I pray for Steve, that man who came to church, homeless, mentally tortured, destitute. Help him to face the demons of his past and present, help him to ask for spiritual help. He is so lost, but he doesn't yet seem ready to flee to his heavenly Father. He is still choosing pig-food. Woo him Father. Even now. Remind him of my challenge - or yours, rather: "Come to the church in the week, and ask for help - spiritual help. You need help. Tell someone your story. The whole story. The true story. Remember how the Father received the prodigal son. Remember that."
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